Its a wonky faint thing

I'm 18, too tall, studying art and quite sad if I'm honest. And while this is more a reassurance to myself it's important to say, I wasn't always like this, I wasn't always this relentlessly boring.

The calm before the storm.

This morning I woke to see my brother off to secondary school without me for the first time. It was odd not following him down the drive and towards the bus stop. It wasn’t nostalgic, it was painful, Knowing I wasn’t going to see all my friends again for a while. Anyway before I get too sad again I’ll carry on with the story.

Most of the morning I sat watching one tree hill re-runs whilst copying out biology work for college tomorrow in the peace of an empty house. At mid day I ventured out on a sleepy and long walk with my nana and mum in the hazy afternoon. We followed childhood memories down the moor lanes and past the horsey fields and farm houses I vividly remember from my childhood in my grandparents village. It was odd.

Walking beside the canal bare foot, Dr. Martens in hand - By the way I bought the maroon ones - was beautiful. The sound of Nana rabbiting about next doors tumble drier, the small breeze ruffling the long grass, and the odd plops of water as fish and ducks swam about the sparkling surface made me feel peaceful. As soon as I felt this dozy emotion however I realised this was what an eye of a storm felt like.

I realized a strange analogy at that precise moment. This was the conclusion I gained; I had finally passed the riots and bedlam of GCSE’s and work loads and deadlines and anticipation and had wandered unknowingly into the quiet and content eye of the storm. I had found that the past couple of weeks had been unlike any others, peaceful, warm, calm, uninterrupted, static. The eye of the storm.

This seemed reasonably okay until I realized what was to inevitably come, the storm.

More work, pressure, time loss, irritation, anxiety, distractions, impending doom… And I am now officially terrified. College is about to engulf me as the hurricane does the unlucky city. Here we go again.